You are in a relationship with a guy that you really like and want to be with all the time, we get it. But there are certain times when you shouldn’t bring him along. That time is girls’ night out (GNO). GNO is as sacred to girls as Sunday football gatherings are for guys. You don’t see all of your boyfriend’s friends inviting their girls along do you? Exactly! Guys like their football gatherings because it’s their time to do what men do best, be men! They get to scratch, yell, talk shit, enjoy their favorite sports, and hang out with their best buddies without hearing comments from their women. The same goes for GNO. Girls get to be themselves, talk about their lives, share dating and sex stories, and get advice from their favorite girlfriends. When you add a guy into the mix, it changes the atmosphere. Your friends feel pressured to be on their best behavior, which doesn’t allow them to be themselves, because they know the things they do and say could possibly make your boyfriend look at you differently. And then the question becomes: what’s the point of having a GNO then? Rule of thumb for GNO: If no one else is inviting their boyfriend then don’t invite yours. Period. Don’t even ask to invite him, because of course your friends aren’t going to say no when they really do mind. Instead, ask them if it’s going to be an all girl event. If the answer is yes, then leave him at home.
The first date is your time to make a great first impression on the person you are interested in and will ultimately decide if the relationship is going anywhere. Make it count! Since the first date = first impression, you should take some time and put thought into the date. You don’t want to do too much (which might scare the person away) or to little (which may turn the person off). You want to plan a date that is just right to where you can get to know the person and vice versa. Simple doesn’t always equal doing too little, if you plan “simple” right it could end up being just right.
First– Get to know the person you want to take out on a date. Don’t assume he/she will like a certain type of food, a sports game, etc. If you are unsure…ASK! Never assume that someone likes the same things you like.
The Goal– To get to know someone and make a good impression. Pick a place where both of you will feel comfortable and where it will be easy to get to know each other.
DON’T DO IT!
Bar– In case you haven’t heard, This date screams I ONLY WANT TO SLEEP WITH YOU! Why else would you take someone to a place with burgers and fries as the entrée and endless flowing alcohol?
Movie Theater– I am not saying that this is a bad date, it’s just not the best date to get to know someone. Think about it, you are sitting next to someone, in the dark, that you can’t talk to for 1.5-3 hours and chances are you’re taking them home after. Save this for after date # 2.
Chain Restaurant– This date says, I didn’t do any research and I lack creativity. I’m not bashing chain restaurants because some are super yummy, I’m just saying take your date to a place that is known for his/her favorite type of food (and get bonus points if the food is great). There are plenty of resources out there, like yelp.com, to help you find good places to eat.
Sports Games– Unless your date is a huge fan of a certain team, skip this idea. Chances are either you or your date will be so focused on the game that you won’t have time to get to know each other. Plus, some of these games can go on forever! If your date isn’t really into sports do you think he/she wants to sit there for 2-3 hours watching you enjoy yourself? It is not a bad date idea, just save it until after date #3.
A Friend’s Party or Family function It’s just super awkward! A. Your date probably won’t know anyone there which could make him/her feel awkward. B. You will be trying to socialize with your friends/family which will leave little time to get to know your date, which could make your date feel awkward. C. Your family will probably ask your date tons of question and tell stories about you when you were a kid that could make both of your feel awkward. Do I need to go on? It’s just a bad idea. Wait until you are ready to take things to the next level and you want him/her to meet the family/friends.
Leave it up to your date to decide– C’mon…really? The person who does the asking should do the planning (and paying, if you ask me). Enough said.
Club– Again, not a place to get to know someone. Its loud, dark, and there is usually nowhere to sit. Not everyone is a good dancer or likes to dance and you will be wondering what he/she is thinking all night. Skip
Your house/ Your Mom’s house– This is just a bad idea all together. Inviting your date to your house says I’m cheap and Why would I take him/her out when we are just going to end up back here anyway! I’m just saying. Also, letting someone meet your mother too soon sends the wrong signal. It’s a big deal and its shows a woman that you are really interested in her. If that’s not the case, don’t let her meet mom until you want to take things to the next level, ie a relationship.
As Valentine’s Day approaches, jewelry is probably a gift that will make a woman’s list. If you haven’t been seeing someone that long, you might ask: When is an appropriate time to give jewelry as a gift? Honestly, women love jewelry (and shoes) so I don’t think there is ever an inappropriate time to give it as a gift. However, when giving jewelry there should be certain price points based on the time you have known the person. Jewelry is forever and if properly maintained it can last forever. Chances are if the relationship ends, you probably aren’t getting the jewelry back. Being that said, if you are going to give someone jewelry you want to make sure the relationship is going to last for a while or that you see a future with the person you are buying jewelry for.
If you have been dating someone for 5 months, you probably don’t want to spend $1000 on a diamond tennis bracelet, unless you can afford to do so. Before you pick out jewelry for your love, set a price point. Make sure it is a price point that you feel comfortable with then start looking for something within that price range. It is not always about that cost of the jewelry, it’s about the thought that went into it and if the piece fits her personality. You can buy her the nicest bracelet, but if she doesn’t wear bracelets than you wasted time and money. Need help finding a piece that stands out? Observe her style and/or ask her mom or her good friend. Chances are these women know your girlfriends style the best and can help you.
What ever you decide, I am pretty sure she will be happy. Good Luck!
Have you ever wondered what you should do with all of you ex’s things AFTER the relationship has ended for good? This question popped up in my head as well. Besides burning it, I am pretty sure there are many ways you can discard your ex’s things in a SAFE and liberating way.
- Return It– Clearly this is the most rational thing to do especially if the stuff is of sentimental value to your ex. Want to avoid seeing the person? Feel free to send them their things via mail or drop it off when they aren’t home. Don’t forget to include an end all note with any last word your might have (optional).
- Sell It– Here is where you can cash in on the heartache. Sites like ebay or craigslist will help make this process a little bit easier. Your trash or diamond tennis bracelet is another man/woman’s treasure!
- Donate It– Nothing like giving goods to people who are less fortunate and doing a good deed to get over an ex. Don’t forget about the tax write off!
- Keep it- If its something really nice that you got as a gift, you might want to hold on to the item unless it brings up too many hurtful memories.
- Destroy It– While I don’t recommend this option, it will probably feel good to rip up his/her favorite shirt then burn the pieces over the fire place. Even though it might feel good, what are you really gaining?
I was listening to the radio today and someone mentioned how Rihanna is considering breast implants to please Chris Brown even though she ‘s not a fan of breast implants and how she is happy with her current breast size. Kim Kardashian is getting rid of her entire wardrobe because her beau Kanye West asked her to. Is it just me or are these men’s requests ridiculous!? I know a relationship is all about compromise, but when do you put your foot down and say that that is not something I am willing to compromise on? As a woman, it’s ok to say no to something that you aren’t 100% comfortable with. You shouldn’t and you are not obligated to do everything your man asks you to do because it will make him happy. The question is, will you be happy or will this change make you happier?
It is one thing to keep a man and it is another thing to keep a husband. There is a huge difference. A man is a man while a husband is someone who took his time to get to know you, grow with you, and commit to you. See the difference? It is one thing to give up something for a man that is committed to you versus giving up things or doing things for a man that you are in a fluid relationship with. If my boyfriend wanted me to, for example, drastically change my hair (color and cut) my first questions are going to be what’s wrong with my current hair style and why all of a sudden do I nee d to make this change for you? If my husband asked me to get change my hair I would probably consider it if I was up for the change and we had a healthy and strong relationship. Its all about compromise, however, the things that you should be willing to compromise on are things that you feel comfortable with. Not a fan of plastic surgery because you are secure with who you are? Why get it?! He wants a three some and you are totally against it? Why do it? Yes, it’s all about compromise but it’s also about compromising on something that you feel comfortable with. Does your man want you to cut your hair and you were already considering it? Then why not do it! Both of you want the same things. See the difference?
I heard on the radio today that Danny DeVito and Rhea Perlman
are getting a divorce separated after 30 years of marriage. My first reactions was WHAT THE!!?? They seemed to be a perfect match and they have a beautiful family. What could possibly be going wrong after 45 years together and 30 years of marriage? This further prompted my question: Does love really last forever? It’s a valid question considering 50%+ of marriage end in divorce. What happened to through thick or thin, till death do us part? Now its more like if things get to tough, I’m making the first appointment available to see a divorce attorney. I’ve never been married, but everyone I know who is married says it’s a lot of hard work but the rewards of having a supportive and loving spouse makes it worth every ounce of energy put into it. Notice how when I said marriage the words hard work and rewards followed it. If you think about it, life is hard work but you don’t see the suicide rate at 50%, do you? Because people are willing to work through life’s problems to take advantage of the rewards that go along with all of their hard work. Although I don’t know Danny and Rhea personally, and I only know what I read about them, I always wonder, if after 30 years of marriage is their love for each other strong enough to overcome whatever problems they are facing. Only time will tell, but I hope they are willing to work through their problems instead of throwing in the towel. So what do you think?
Most of us ladies have dating rules/restrictions, which tend to be things we will not do until we have reached a certain time frame. For instance, I am pretty sure you have all heard of the 90 days rule. If you haven’t, it’s the rule that means a woman will not sleep with a guy until after she has known him for 90 days. Does it work? Good questions! Since most women have their list of dating rules and restrictions, the best thing to do is…drum roll… not disclose them to the person you are dating until you are sure it is going somewhere**. Why? Because men love a good challenge and by knowing your rules and restrictions upfront, they know exactly how long to stay around and when to leave. My suggestion would be to keep them to yourself unless you see the relationship going somewhere. Not disclosing your dating rules isn’t lying because if a guy is truly interested in you, then he should be willing to wait for it, whether it be 5 dates or 90 days. If a guy knows that you have a five date rule and he is not that interested in you, he might be willing to stick around until the fifth date just to get some action. By disclosing your five date rule to him, you already let him know that he is guaranteed some type of action if he takes you out five times. Guys can become academy award winning actors when it comes to getting sex. Which means, if they are not interested in you they will tell you what you want to hear to keep you around to get what they want and keep it moving once he gets it. Now, if things do get hot and heavy on the third date and you strictly enforce your fifth date rule, let him know that you’d rather take things slow instead of rushing into something and you will know when the time is right. If he is OK with that then he will respect your boundaries. If he is not OK with that, he will keep trying to overstep your boundaries.
**The only exception to this rule would be if you are waiting for marriage. I would suggest you revealing this sooner than later because a guy might not be willing to wait 5 years and if he is, more power to him!
Have you ever been out on a date and wondered: why are we out on a date then? I’m pretty sure we have all asked ourselves that question because we find ourselves on a date with someone who has totally different intentions that we do, i.e. she’s looking for a relationship but he isn’t. Fellas, it might be a good idea to get to know the type of relationship that she is looking for BEFORE you take her out on a date. Usually if a woman is looking for a relationship, that means she is looking for a committed relationship, not a FWB or a casual sex partner. If a guy tells you he isn’t looking for a relationship, he isn’t. So don’t think by sleeping with him or hanging out with him that you will change his mind. So what does it usually mean when a guy tells you he isn’t looking for a relationship while out on a date? Well, in my opinion, it means that he is out on a date to feel you out/ buy his way into your pants. Why else would he waste his time if he clearly knows before he even asks you out that he is not looking for a relationship? If what you are looking for wasn’t disclosed prior to the first date, it is a good idea to discuss it while out on the first date so that everyone knows where each others intentions lie and where it will possibly lead to in the future.
Question: My boyfriend told me that he was going on an all boys trip to Vegas. Because it was an all boys trip, I wasn’t invited. I recently found out that some of the others guys are bringing their girlfriends on the trip. What should I do? Should I confront him? Should I invite myself? Should I just show up?
Answer: The best thing to do would be to confront him (in a non confrontational way) with this new-found information. Let him know that some of the guy’s girlfriends are going on the trip and you are wondering why you weren’t invited. Make sure you say who told you because you don’t want it to come off as hearsay. The worst thing you could do in this situation is assume why he didn’t tell you. If you are in a relationship, you shouldn’t be afraid to keep the lines of communications open. You won’t really be able to know his reasoning until you actually ask him why he omitted that bit of information and why he didn’t invite you. Maybe he didn’t tell you that some of the guys were inviting their girlfriends because he didn’t want to hurt your feelings by telling you he didn’t want you to come. Honestly, how would you feel if he told you that some of the other boys are inviting their girls but he doesn’t want you to come? That’s not an easy thing to tell anyone. It’s ok for you all to take time away from each other and enjoy your friends; you all don’t have to do everything together.
What you shouldn’t do:
- Assume he is cheating. Unless he has given you a reason to think he is cheating.
- Just show up. You don’t ever want to be THAT woman and by that I mean the crazy not trusting type.
- Invite yourself. There is a reason why you weren’t invited in the first place. Inviting yourself will damper his plans of having a weekend with the boys and he may resent you for it.
Trust and communication are key in this situation. Although it was wrong of him to lie to you, the key is to find out the truth without irrational assumptions.
…that you’re intelligent, beautiful, a good person inside and out, amazing, thoughtful, caring, etc, than why waste your time proving it to him? I hear so many women say “If only he can see that I’m…” or “I’m going to prove it to him.” Proving yourself is what dating is all about, the both of you are getting to know each other. If you have been dating someone and he can’t see by your actions and words that you already posses those qualities than maybe hes not the person for you. If he can’t see the person you are than he is either blind, hasn’t been listing to you, not looking for a relationship, or you might just need help dating/presenting yourself. In dating, the first date is crucial. You only have one shot to make a good impressions so make it count! If you blow it and he doesn’t see the good in you, learn from your mistakes and don’t repeat them. I firmly believe that everyone is not for everybody, that’s life. You might like him but he might not like you or see you in the same light, but that doesn’t mean you have to do extra things or put in more work to get him to see those things about you. Don’t you want a guy to like you for being yourself and not who your trying to be?