It really grinds my gears when I hear about women or men who are doing crazy things for their partner and have little to no commitment with them. Our local morning radio show (The Kane show on Hot 99.5) has a segment called Roses, where basically a person in a committed relationship is trying to catch their partner cheating. The lady who called was clearly upset because she suspected her boyfriend was cheating. She was even more upset because she had been paying for him to attend law school and THOUGHT their relationship was going to lead to marriage. NO NO NO!!!!!
The level of commitment should determine how much you put into a relationship. For the woman above, she was acting like she had a ring, by paying for his law school, when she was just only a girlfriend. That is something that you should do for your husband or wife not a boyfriend or girlfriend and that is where she made the mistake. I’ve hear all sorts of horror stories about people cosigning for cars or loans for their partner when they aren’t even married then get stuck with the bill when the relationship ends.
When you are in a relationship, common expenses should be shared, with him taking care of his personal bills (student loans, credit card bills, car loan payments, etc) and her taking care of her personal bills. When I say common expenses, I’m talking about rent, utilities, thing for the house, etc, if you live together and things like nights out and together activities if you don’t (unless he or she wants to treat you).
When you are married, that’s when it is ok to co sign for your husband or wife, combine your student loans, and help pay for their schooling. After all, you are a team and working together is what marriage is all about. You want to encourage your partner to grow and you also want to help them succeed. I’m not telling you that you have to do these things for your husband or wife; I’m just suggesting this is the level of commitment where you would do something like this for your partner.
Never do things for your boyfriend or girlfriend that you should do for your husband or wife on the assumption that one day the relationship will lead to marriage. Make sure you have the level of commitment BEFORE you start acting like a husband or wife and never assume that any relationship will lead to marriage until you get a ring and walk down the aisle.