I keep reading relationship articles about 2nd chances with people you have dated in the past. Sometimes giving a person a second chance seems like a good idea, maybe the circumstance wasn’t right or you both weren’t ready. Whatever the reason, an old flame has you thinking about giving them a 2nd chance. Proceed with caution when giving a 2nd chance. Sometimes people give their old partner a 2nd chance for all the wrong reasons. Every circumstance is different; you just have to weigh the pluses and minuses to see if the person you are considering a candidate for a 2nd chance is worth it. Here are some tips on how to decide if you should give that person a 2nd chance.
Give the 2nd chance to someone who:
Moved away– Sometimes distance makes the heart grow fonder and while things didn’t work while that person was away, it’s worth trying it again when they move back in town and hopefully it’s permanent.
An old high school or college flame– Things might have been great during the time that you knew each other but for some reason or another you didn’t end up together. The plus side is that people change over the years. They grow older, wiser, and their outlook on life is different because of their experiences through the years.
The one who got away– Maybe they were the perfect person for you but you weren’t ready for what they needed during the time you dated. Before you try to reconnect, make sure you are on the same level and are looking for the same things.
Don’t give the 2nd chance to someone who:
Was verbally or physically abusive– Avoid, especially if they haven’t received help for their abusive ways. Chances are they will most likely abuse you again.
Has emotionally hurt you– We’ve all been hurt in a relationship but emotional hurt runs deeper and leaves a longer and most likely negative impression that can even alter the way you feel about the opposite sex. Even though that person is apologetic and they swore they’ve changed, it’s still not a good idea. If you think they have changed answer this question; Am I ready to feel the same kind of hurt again? If the answer is no and most likely it will be, the only thing you should offer them is a friendship and don’t feel obligated to even offer them that.
Has cheated– This goes along with emotional hurt. The person who hurt you knew the consequences of their actions, but chose to go forward with their behavior because they were only thinking about themselves. There are no reasons why a person should cheat, NONE. Chances are if you enter into another relationship with this person they will probably cheat again.
Doesn’t have all the qualities– If you haven’t read my blog about the three parts of a relationship, you should. If you parted ways with a past partner due to the fact that all your needs were not being fulfilled, don’ bother giving this person as 2nd chance. That doesn’t make them a bad person; it just doesn’t make them the person who is right for you.
One thing about giving 2nd chances is never settling for someone. Some people are willing to accept someone’s old behaviors because they love them, the person has sworn they’ve changed, and/or you are lonely. Before your take them back, answer this question; Overall, where you happy in the relationship? Don’t let your love for someone, your loneliness or their words keep them around. We all have our quirks, our pitfalls and our issues, but overall a relationship should be fulfilling, satisfying, and both parties should be happy with each other. If the majority of the relationship left you unhappy, fearful, sad, untrusting, depressed, unfulfilled, and/or emotionally drained, chances are it’s not a relationship that you should consider re-entering because you loved them or some of the times you were happy. Your happiness is worth more.