To Be Loved By A Man – A Poem

I wonder what it’s like to be loved by a man
To have him touch your hand
For him to understand
The day you went through
For him to be in truly in love with you

I don’t know what it feels like
To be loved by a man
I’ve only been hurt by men
And used by men
Being told how much they love me
To get what they wanted from me
To lie to me
To continuously hurt me

To tell me they love me
Only to have other girls in their phone
To leave me all alone
And tell me my feelings don’t matter
And that I’m overreacting
When I catch them in their lies
Knowing they’ve been between
Another women’s thighs
They leave me all alone when I cry

I bet being loved by a man can be great
To have him hold you
And tell you that you are the only one
He will ever love….and mean it
To take you out
And treat you like you are his
And his alone and forever
To make you feel loved
To make you feel secure
To make you feel wanted

I only know one way to feel love from a man
To feel your heart-break
Over and over again
To be told you’re great
But end up with another woman
To hold your hand
But to only let it go
When other people are watching
To feel sorrow and their pain
Only see the rain
With maybe a few sunny days
That make you feel in awe
But only for a short while
Then you’re back to wondering
Why did I ever fall in love?

Maybe one day I’ll be loved by a man
By someone who understands
And loves me for
Who I am

Why You Can’t and Shouldn’t Rush Love

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bad dates, being happy, being single, can't rush love, celovetalk, dating smart, failed relationships, fairy tale love, love

It feels like every time I log on to social media, someone I know is getting married, into a relationship, or having a baby. While I am super happy for them I am also content. Content with the fact that I have direction in my life and content with the fact that I am single.You may ask, how can anyone be content with being single. Yes, it may sound weird and all but after dating and experiencing the good, the bad, and the ugly, I’ve also realized that there are certain things that can’t be rushed in life, love being one of those things.

When I was in my late teens, I had my whole life planned out including love. By 25 I wanted to be engaged with a dog and a condo. I remember telling an older friend my life plan and I’ll never forget her response. She told me that you cant plan out your life. I thought she didn’t know what she was talking about until years later when I realized she was right. At 25, I didn’t have a husband, a condo and a dog, I had a failed relationship and I was living at home with my mom. Sort of like the complete opposite of what I had planned.  Even though love was something that I always wanted, I sucked at getting it. I was always the smart girl who was driven but continuously fell for the wrong man. Yes, it sucks to be heart broken, but it also sucks to keep falling into the same pattern over and over again. It was until last year that I finally saw what I was doing wrong in love and started taking the steps to do the right thing in love.

I realized that I was the common factor in all my relationships. When things don’t work out in relationships its either because you keep picking the wrong people or you are the problem in the relationship. Since I kept picking all the wrong people, I started dating smart. Instead of going on a date and doing all the talking…I do all the listening. Sure, I talk but you will be so surprised at how much you hear when you actually listen to what someone is saying versus going on the date focused on finding a relationship. After all my listening, I realized that there are a bunch of posers out here. Posers are people who say they want a relationship but don’t know the first thing about being in one. Now that I date smart, I know that a poser is not the one for me. Posers may sound good on paper but since they don’t know what it takes to be in a relationship, there are going to be a lot of highs and lows but mostly lows. I’ve dated the poser many times. I was willing to put up with the lows in hopes that there would be more highs in the future.Let me just say that my old method of thinking used to lead to failure every. single. time. Now that I date smart, I spare myself the wasted time and effort because I know that its not going to be worth it in the end.

With newly gained intelligence comes wisdom and I’m wise enough to know that you can’t rush love. Because when you rush love things never turn out as planned. You become so focused on love that you are blinded to certain realities. You miss out on the red flags that were waving from the beginning or you sweep them under the rug because you are running late and your absolutely have to catch that train to relationship town. That’s what happens when you rush love and that’s why I am content with being single because I know that I am happier knowing that the right man is out there for me instead of being with the wrong man just to have someone. You shouldn’t need a relationship to feel happy or important, you should love yourself enough so that you wont rush things only to fall for a poser. And when you start dating smart you will know when a good person comes into your life and you wont hesitate to fall for them. When the right person comes into your life, they will compliment it, not complicate it. Before I dated smart, I missed out on good people and I missed out on a lot of red flags. Now, I am armed with the knowledge and wisdom to make the right decisions. Don’t rush anything because when the right person comes along you will  know it.

How to Spot a REAL Nice Guy

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bad guy, communications, dating rules, dating tips, good guy, good guy characteristics, honesty, how to spot a fake, men play games, team me

Lets be honest, everyone is a self proclaimed good person. Kind of how vendors tell you their fake designer items are the real thing. You will probably never catch a person talking about how mediocre or bad of a person they are just like you would never hear the vendor telling you how shoddy the quality is of their fake merchandise is. Everyone wants to think they are good, even though their action and intentions don’t match up with their thoughts and just like that fake Gucci bag, it may look real in the beginning but eventually you start to realize that the quality is just not quite the same as the real one. Don’t be fooled by the fake nice guys out there! Here are some characteristics that you are mostly likely guaranteed to find when you meet a true good guy.

1. They Care and are Genuine– A good guy genuinely cares about you and your well being. Had a bad day? He is there for you when you need a shoulder to lean on and will even take the extra step to do something to show you how much he cares. It might be a small gesture like sending you an inspirational quote or taking you out for a cheer up dinner.

2. They Appreciate You– None of your efforts go unnoticed. Did you make make dinner but it turned out horribly? No worries . They are the ones who will pat you on the back and say good job. Its not the disaster, its the thought that counts and they appreciate the thought.

3. They Acknowledge Your Feelings– We all argue, but a good guy will acknowledge your feelings in the situation not just his own. If he said or did something to make you upset he will listen to you and not be afraid to say sorry. He is willing to be the bigger person and will rarely push your feelings to the side.

4. They Communicate– The lines of communication are always open.  Why bother assuming what is going on when he can just ask you and get the answer directly from the source?

5. They Are Understanding–  A good guy doesn’t need to get back at you or act spiteful when things don’t go there way. He understands that you need a girls night out every once in a while, that you didn’t respond to his text because you were in a meeting, etc.

6. They Don’t Play Games- Games are for children and a good guys knows this…period. He doesn’t need t play a game of tit for tat because that’s being petty. Didn’t text him back for a few hours, no problem. He doesn’t need to wait a few hours to text you back to make things even. He understands the basic principles of communication and honesty and doesn’t want to waste your or his time in the process.

7. They Are Honest- Why lie when you can just tell the truth? A good guy understands the principle that honesty is the best policy even if it doesn’t give the most favorable results. They know that you will respect them 100 times more by telling you the truth instead of catching them in a lie.

8. They Are NOT A Self Proclaimed Good Guy- Beware of the self proclaimed good guys. These guys almost always have to tell you they are good because deep down inside the know they suck. They probably believe that if they keep saying it, eventually it will be true…false! Actions speak louder than words and a good guy knows this. He doesn’t need to tell you that hes a good guy because his actions, not his words, will do the talking.

9. They Want You To Be Happy- Even if it is not with him, he wants you to be happy, in life and in love. Of course, he will do what it takes within his power to make you and to keep you happy. His day is made when he sees that smile on your face because he knows that you are in a good happy space.

10. They Are Supportive– What ever your goals, dreams, and aspirations are, he is there to support you in anyway. The will give you constructive criticism when needed but will never tell you your ideas won’t pan out (unless its just a super ridiculous idea). He will be your cheerleader not your naysayer.

11. They Doesn’t Judge– We all have a past and we have moments that are not our best. A good guy understands this and will never use your past against you to hurt you. He understands that no one is perfect but everyone learns from their mistakes (but only if you have actually learned).

We have all been fooled once or twice by the self proclaimed good guy that ends up being the bad guy. Actions always speak louder than words and no matter how much a mediocre guy tells you he is a good guy, his actions will almost always give him away. Don’t continue to be fooled and don’t continue to give the self proclaimed good guy the time of day. A person will eventually show their true colors and once they are shown, take it at full face value. Sometimes good guys may not come in the perfect package, but don’t turn down a good guy for a shiny wrapper (AKA the bad guy). A good guy will always be #teamyou and that’s most definitely they kind of guy you want on your team!

 

Stop Assuming This About Pretty Woman

Tags

assholes, bad boys, beautiful women, gold digger, pretty woman, pretty women misconceptions, unapproachable

I know, I know, I know, sometimes pretty women can be looked at as the devil. Why? Because society tends to put this up on the imaginary pedestal which make pretty women feel unobtainable and evil. Not to mention all of the negative stereotypes floating around about them. Misconceptions and stereotypes can be damaging, and there is nothing worse then labeling someone before you meet them. Instead of assuming, how about giving a pretty woman a chance? Here are a some misconception about pretty women that just are not to true about all of them.

They have tons of men knocking on their door– Contrary to popular belief, not all pretty women have a flock of men waiting to date them. In fact, they tend to be very selective with who they date and just like any other women, they enjoy quiet nights alone or spending time with their family and friends. Not all of her time is spent dating.

They are taken– Never, never, never assume that just because she is pretty she is in a relationship. Pretty women tend to be single because guys are afraid to ask them out and she is afraid to be the aggressor and ask him out. Nothing is more disappointing to her then having a good conversation with guy only to have him walk away without exchanging information.

They aren’t smart– I don’t know when and how the misconception arose that pretty equaled dumb. In the 21st century(you know, the one we are in now), pretty women are owning their intelligence and making something of their lives.  They are just as educated, professional, and successful as any other women. Not all pretty women have a goal of becoming a model and capitalizing off of their looks.

They are gold diggers– Not all pretty women are looking for a sugar daddy. Going back to the point made above, pretty women do focus on bettering themselves and can be very independent.

The only thing they have going for them is their attractiveness– Negative! If I had a dollar for every time I heard that all pretty woman are airheads and they have a bad personalities, I would be rich. Pretty women have depth, they have great personalities, they read, they enjoy intellectually stimulating activities and conversations. Stop taking away the beauty she has on the inside based on the beauty she has on the outside. Pretty women are more than just arm candy.

They have drama or they are crazy– C’mon really? All women have experienced a bad break up, a horrible ex, a crappy childhood, etc. No women is exempt from bad experiences….period. How a woman handles and grows, or crumbles, from it is based on her level of maturity. It has nothing to do with her level of attractiveness.

They are unapproachable–  I am not going to say they are super approachable, but you have to realize pretty women probably get approached more frequently. So if you want to approach a pretty women, come correct. Don’t come with a cheesy pick up line you heard from a 90’s sitcom and don’t start off by focusing on the obvious. Come with something original. Does the color of her dress compliment her? Is she reading an interesting book?  Once you have her attention, don’t stop there! So many men get her attention but are afraid to follow through. Don’t be afraid to tell her you would like to get to know her better.

They only like assholes– This couldn’t be more false! Maybe pretty women end up with assholes because those are the only men who have the courage to approach them. Pretty women, like any other women, enjoy the company of a good guy as well.

They would never go for a guy like you– Stop selling yourself short my dear friend! Just because she is pretty doesn’t mean she is looking for a rich guy who owns a beach house in Miami, she might be looking for a sweet intelligent guy just like you! Never forget, you miss 100% of the opportunities you don’t take. So by assuming she would never go out with you, you might have missed out on the opportunity to get to know a really great woman.

At the end of the day, pretty women are women too. They like the same things that every other women likes and they just want to be loved by a guy deserving of them. Don’t sell yourself short by assuming that a pretty woman is out of your league or that she will never talk to you. At the end of the day, all women are looking for something and you can’t assume that one particular group of women are looking for one particular thing. Yes, her DNA gave her looks, but I can guarantee her DNA also gave her other amazing qualities as well. Give her a chance, and if shes not interested pick yourself up and try again. Rejection is a part of life but don’t let that make your feel defeated and stereotype the next pretty woman that comes your way.

First Date Do’s and Don’ts

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celovetalk, dating, dos and donts, first date, first date ideas, relationships

Nobody is perfect, we all make mistakes. Being that said, there is always a time and place for everything, right? The number one mistake that people make on a first date is that they forget the date is equivalent to a first impression. Although there are many first date tips, here are some of the basic dos and don’ts.

• DO Be A Gentleman– Chivalry is not dead! Don’t forget to open doors and pull out chairs, etc. Ladies love that, contrary to popular belief.
• DO Show Interest–  Don’t be afraid to tell her how you feel. If you think the date went well, tell her. If you would like to take her out again, tell her. Don’t over do it though, subtlety is key.
• DON’T talk about Ex’s– Seriously this is an absolute no no! It’s bound to come up, he/she might ask you when is the last time you were in a relationship and what happened. That’s fine, just don’t go into explicit details. Usually on the first date a person is okay with a simple response like, it didn’t work out, we were different, etc.  Save the more in-depth conversation for a later date.
• DO Be Creative When Picking a Location– If you are not sure where to go, Google first date ideas in your city. Remember, you are trying to impress your date, a first impression is everything.
• MAYBE Kiss– Don’t force it. You might be feeling him/her but are the feelings mutual? Let these things happen naturally. If you are both into each other, a kiss will happen.
• DON’T Have Sex– Look, I know there are a lot of articles out there that say having sex on the first date is okay but in reality just don’t do it. Why? Because people judge. Whether its judging you on your performance, size, or your inability to keep “it” to yourself. What has worked for some doesn’t mean that it works for the majority.
• DO Watch What You Eat– That doesn’t mean only eat salads, what it does mean is that you probably want to avoid eating something super messy…save that for date number two.
• DO Text or Call After The Date– This is more for the guys, don’t wait two days to text. If you enjoyed your date, don’t hesitate to text and say that you had a good time. Ladies, don’t text first unless he asks you to text when you get home. If a man interested in perusing you, he will text you.
• DO Be Yourself– Because how else will someone get to know the real you if you aren’t comfortable and  aren’t yourself?

Rules for Making a Sex Tape

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celovetalk, lessons, life, love, rules to making a sex tape, sex tape, what not to do

The good ol’ sex tape. We are all curious on how we perform in the bedroom and apparently now the best way to find out is to record it. If one of my friends ask me if they should make a sex tape, I would most likely tell them NOT to do it. But hey, whatever floats your boat, right? Here are some rules to follow if you do plan on making one.

• Don’t make copies/share the digital file– all you need is one copy to fall in the wrong hands and wham it can be seen by everyone. Sharing tapes and digital files are super simple these days. Not to mention if you send it in an email it can be forwarded and kept for years.
• Don’t let the man keep the tape/file– sorry but not sorry fellas. Ladies, protect yourself and keep it on your phone, computer, Ipad or whatever and then password protect that file. Women are less likely to share the sex tape unless their goal is to be a porn star. Men are more likely to show it off and share it with their friends.
• Don’t do anything super explicit– Again, unless you want to be a porn star, my suggestion would be to keep it as soft core as possible.
• Do discuss what you are okay with– Have the conversation BEFORE you start filming what you are and are not comfortable with filming.
• Maybe/Don’t show your friends– If you want to show your friends only do so if BOTH parties who participated are okay with it. However, don’t send it to them! Show them on your Ipad, your phone or whatever you made it on. Although I am leaning more on the no side on this one, I only said maybe because everyone’s comfort level is different. Showing your friends can open a can of worms you might not be ready for. Do you really want your friends lusting after your partner?
• Don’t be afraid to delete it immediately after you watch it- unless you plan on watching it over and over again, there is nothing wrong with watching it with your partner, critiquing it, and deleting it. That way you don’t have to worry about it falling into the wrong hands.
• Don’t be pressured into making one– its your body and your life, don’t let your partner pressure you into doing it because they want it. If you don’t want to do it, don’t do it!
• Do have fun– relax and enjoy yourself!

If you decide to make a tape, just remember to think long and hard about who you are doing this with and make sure you protect the tape at all times (my advice would be to delete is after you watch it). Who you are with now might not be the person you are with 1, 5, and 10 years from now, not to mention you will probably be in a different place in your life 5 and 10 years from now as well. Don’t let something fun and exciting ruin or hinder your future.

In the Name of Love

Tags

celovetalk, dating, drama, lessons, life, love, relationships, stop, what not to do

Love is such a powerful emotion and lets face it we have all done some things in the name of love, some good and some bad. Love can either be that sunshine we feel on a lovely summer day or it can feel like that hurricane that we dread because we know its going to tear shit up. There are probably a million and one things that I could write about that you should do in the name of love, but that would be boring (and super long). What I want to focus on is things that I am tired of seeing people do in the name of love. You know, that stuff that people do that comes back later to bite them in the ass…really hard. That stuff that you will later regret because a love spell had been cast over your mind and caused you to put on rose-colored glasses. Yeah, that kind of love.

Things to STOP Doing in the Name of Love:

• Having Babies– While children are wonderful, we have to stop having babies by men who love us but won’t fully commit to us. Sure, he loves/likes you enough to sleep with you but does that means he likes/loves you enough to make an honest women out of you? If the answer is no, then maybe you should rethink having that man’s baby. Don’t let a man paint this pretty picture of what cold be, make sure his actions back up his words. If a man is serious about having a child with you, he will take the necessary steps to make you his…forever. Without a proper commitment, the relationship can change at any time. Sure, he could marry you after the baby is born but whats changed from conception to birth that he couldn’t marry you before? Unless you are okay with being a single mom if the relationship goes south, don’t do it!
• Staying with the WRONG Person– We get it, you love him/her so much it hurts but that person treats you like crap or the relationship sucks. You think you won’t find someone else or you don’t want to start over. Well, I’m here to tell you to suck.it.up! If you are miserable in your situation because they treat you bad or you all aren’t compatible, let that person go. Sure it will hurt, but nothing hurts worse than wasting time in a relationship you are not truly happy in. You can’t get back time so why would you waste it with someone who is not worthy of it? Not to mention you are missing out on the guy/gal who is right for you if you are stuck in a going nowhere relationship.
• Tolerate Bullshit– You know the bullshit I am talking about; the lies, cheating, broken promises, not following through on their word, the mixed emotions, etc. If no one has told you today, you are worth more.
• Disrespect– We all of heard about the Karrueche Tran and Chris Brown fiasco. Don’t be that girl, don’t let someone keep disrespecting you. He/she will never respect a person they know they can walk all over. You will keep getting your feelings hurt time and time again if you keep taking that person back.
• Make a Sex Tape– We’ve all seen how this will backfire in your face like a fully loaded gun! Just don’t do it because you never really know how it could come back and bite you. Enough said.
• Things That Make You Uncomfortable– Don’t be the yes man/woman. If you feel uncomfortable with something your partner is asking you to do SPEAK UP. If this person really loves you, they will respect your decision on the issue, not try to pressure you or make you feel bad for not wanting to do it. If all of your friends jumped off a bridge, would you do it? No, because you probably don’t want to die or be badly injured. So why would you do something that didn’t make you feel comfortable, because of love?
• Ignoring the Red Flags– Red flags are there for a reason, they give you little glimpses of issues you are probably going to deal with in the relationship’s future or, as I like to call them, signs from God that you should run! Whatever you like to call them, don’t ignore them because chances are they will come out as bigger issues later.

Guess Who’s Back! Celovetalk!

After careful consideration I have decided to start writing on my blog again. I know, I know, its been almost two years since I have written on it (sorry for leaving all of my followers and readers hanging!) but I felt it was time. I have tried to start other blogs, but none of them have given me happiness like writing on this blog. I missed you guys/gals and I feel like I have so much to offer from everything I learned in the past two years. I really enjoy writing and I hope you all will continue to read and like my new stuff. Happy reading!

xoxo

celovetalk

THE END…FOR NOW

Tags

bad boys, celovetalk, dating, love, realtionships, the end

I have decided to end my blog for now. I first started my blog after I asked myself the question “why are you single?”. That question sparked a two year love affair with writing and trying to figure out the ends and outs of relationships. Finding out what works and what doesn’t work and how to make myself a better person for the next guy who comes along and is worth my time and energy. I have learned A LOT in my journey. I have learned a lot about relationships, friendships, love, and most importantly MYSELF. My blog is like my baby, a baby that I have nurtured and put time and energy into.

Take- A-Way

The most important lesson that I learned about love/relationships is tolerance. Loving someone and being in a relationship is all about what you are willing to tolerate. Some people are willing to tolerate very little and some people are willing to tolerate a lot. Everyone says “I want some one to like/love me for me” but the fact of the matter is everyone has things that they need to work on from a personal standpoint. No one is perfect. No one, not even you! Before finding someone, work on yourself and your issues instead of trying to hand them off to the next person and expect that person to to fix them or accept them.  The only person who can fix you, is you.

Thanks to everyone who has followed, read, and commented on my blog. I appreciate your support so much!

XOXO CELovetalk

My 10 Favorite Blogs

1. Signs You Are Dating a Bad Boy
2. The Relationship Pie
3. I Come with Baggage
4. No More Bull Sh!t
5. He Doesn’t Want You
6. Bars VS Clubs
7. Rules for Sending Naked Pics
8. FWB
9. Why Do Nice Guys Finish Last
10. 25 Lessons about Life and Love

What a Man Says…

Tags

bad boys, celovetalk, dating, FWB, guy says during sex, I'm just saying, relationships, sex talk, what not to do

During sex…are just words said during sex, nothing more. Ladies, let’s be honest. Guys will say anything when they are in the pleasure zone. ANYTHING! They will tell you they love you, that they want you to have their baby, they want to marry you, etc. ANYTHING! But in reality they don’t mean any of what they say during sex. Men love sex and when they are in the pleasure zone, sometimes they can’t control what they say because the pleasure is so over whelming. Yes, I know it’s unfortunate but it’s a reality.

• When a guy says “I love you” during sex, he is really means “I love having with sex with you so much!” That’s actually too much to say so they will just sum it up in three words.
• When a guy says “I want to marry you” during sex he’s basically saying “This is so good that I want it forever!” Notice how I said he wants it not you forever.
• When a guys says “I want you to have my baby” during sex what he is really mean is “I want to have privileges to this for the rest of my life (or at least the next 18 years).”

Bottom line: If he says it while in the pleasure zone, chances are he doesn’t mean it. Guys don’t make life alerting decisions like marriage or having a baby during sex. Sorry, it just doesn’t happen. So if a guy says something like that during sex, take it with a grain of salt.